Becoming you, by UN-becoming you.

Over the last several years, I went on a quest to really get to know myself. 

And I wrote this particular blog post to let you in on the biggest "secret" I stumbled upon that really has made all the difference. 

Want to know what it is?

In order to know you, you have to UN-become you first. 

Unraveling the old stories. 

Taking a deep look at yourself and seeing — wait, is this REALLY me?

Or is this just an old story I keep replaying? What do I actually want?

You may be wondering — so how do I do THAT? 

How do I un-become me?

Step one: notice all the things in your life that don’t fit anymore.

Like a pair of shoes you once loved, you can step right out of those and into something more comfortable. (But you have to become aware of how much they don’t fit — first!)

For me, my first realization was that I was never meant to work in a traditional corporate structure. I never understood performance reviews and wasn’t truly motivated by promotions. Sure, getting a nice title or a pay increase was nice in the moment — but the day-to-day struggle never really changed. 

I wanted something more. Something truly fulfilling. I just couldn’t name it. But slowly, I started to pay attention to the things that never made sense to me, never seemed truly genuine. 

Like the political game — the unspoken set of rules of who to talk to and befriend in order to get ahead. 

I had a boss tell me once that I needed to "drink the Kool-aid" and assimilate more to the work culture. And that made me feel very, very uncomfortable.

But despite this, I was denying my truth. The truths of: 

• I was miserable in this environment. 
• That every weekend I dreaded Monday. (#sundayscaries anyone?)
• That being on vacation was the only time I truly felt myself.
• I felt tethered to my phone and my email and checked it incessantly so I wouldn't get behind on "work". 
• I was constantly worried about how other people would perceive my words and actions. 

I lied to myself for years, telling myself that “this was the way” — that climbing the corporate ladder was the only way for me to be successful. 

It wasn’t until many years later that I realized the thing that I personally valued way, way more than money?

Freedom. 

The money is nice and has its purpose, but doesn’t make me happy. What truly made me happy was the the ability to work how and when and wherever and with whomever I want to. 

But that’s the process of unbecoming — you slough off the layers of what you THOUGHT you knew in favor of the TRUTH. 

Which leads me to...

Step 2: Don’t be afraid to rock the boat.  

When you start making choices that truly honor YOU, other people will notice. 

Are you going to “disappoint” some people? Yes. 

Does their opinion really matter? 

Nope. 

I was raised in a deeply traditional family. These roots run deep — into religion, family practices, holiday gatherings, etc. 

Tradition, as a whole, can be beautiful and meaningful. But sometimes doing things just to honor the "tradition", without questioning if it's personally true for you -- can keep you stuck in repeating the same patterns over and over. 

The more I stepped into my own true knowing of what I wanted, the more other people’s opinions mattered less and less. 

I was baptized Catholic as an infant and my parents graciously sent me to private Catholic schools. I received a wonderful education, and I'm very blessed. 

However, only in recent years did I come to realize what learning “religion” in a Catholic school meant — we were only taught about Catholicism. 

Nothing else.

Asking questions about the Catholic faith itself was generally frowned upon in these schools, and we were never encouraged to learn about other teachings, faiths and religions. Because the unspoken truth of it was…if you asked questions, you didn’t believe. 

Here's the real truth: opening your mind up to learn other religions helps you understand your own chosen beliefs so much better, and helps build compassion and understanding for other cultures and beliefs.

It builds unity, not division. 

It was only until I started studying philosophy and spirituality and opening my mind to other teachings that I realized it was OK to ask questions in search of what is personally true for YOU.

Finding your personal truth may be different than other peoples — and that’s completely and totally ok. 

Another layer to un-becoming. 

And the process can be rather — unbecoming (!!) — to some people who know you. 

See, they’re accustomed to a certain image of you — a certain way that you are. And when you change, it makes them uncomfortable. 

Because sometimes, it holds a light up to those people and forces them to look within at their own life and ask themselves — am I happy with me? 

Which leads to....

Step 3 -- Throw out all the rules. There are no rules. 

Think of all the limiting rules you've consciously or unconsciously followed your entire life. 

I can name a few that I used to follow right now... (Trigger warning!)

• Everyone else comes first before me. 
• Work comes first -- before my personal life, my family, my mental health.
• Men need to be "strong"-- vulnerability isn't "manly". (This couldn't be farther from the truth!)
• Women need to be obedient. 
• Women are more emotional than men. 
• Don't question any authority figure. 
• You need to make a certain amount of money/have a certain kind of car/live in a certain neighborhood/have a specific title to be truly "happy"and "successful". 
• I do as I'm told (not because I want to). 
• I say yes to things I don't want to do in order to "keep the peace". 

So I asked myself. Honestly. 

Did living by these these societal "rules" bring me happiness?

Hell. No. 

So...what would happen if I DROPPED some of these limiting rules?

Ditched them, completely. 

And started living in a way that honored my truest, inner knowing FIRST?

Over time, I started writing some different standards for myself.

 Something that looks like this:

• I honor my truth. If something doesn't feel right, it's not my truth.
• I am my beliefs, therefore, I believe in myself.
• Success is how I feel about myself.
• Nothing can change my true nature.
• My purpose is living, not merely surviving. 
• Habits are my old self, presence is my new self. 
• I don't give power to other people's opinions (unless they resonate for me).
• I trust myself and my intuition. 

Owning who you are isn’t EASY but it is WORTH IT.

The time you take to truly understand yourself is helping you change the course of your life. 

By going deep and understanding your own past, you see how it affects your present and your future. 

Every time you grow in awareness you consciously affect your future and this has nothing but positive effects. 

So today, choose a new YOU. 

Let go of those old beliefs and patterns and rules, and step into a new reality. 

I'm so proud of you. 

Take a deep breath.

You got this!