How to: crush fear and build confidence
I have a confession to make.
Ready?
For my entire life, I have been singularly terrified, TER.IF.IED. of needles.
Not just a little scared...but like, would-rather-attempt-surgery-on-myself-than-let-a-doctor-or-nurse-touch-me sort of fear.
Right? Not great.
Why? I honestly don't know.
I've been told that from birth, I had deep mistrust of doctors, and now I think this actually may have been carried over from a past-life I had...
...let me know if you want to hear THAT story...
-- but I digress.
This fear of needles has kept me from something I really, really wanted, ever since childhood.
Pierced. Ears.
I know, I know.
I did not have my ears pierced. At all.
Not even a single lobe.
Now I know, some of you reading this will laugh, and that's ok!
The reason why I share these stories vulnerably is to show you that vulnerability is what connects us.
We all have something we're afraid of!
But I'm truly fine with admitting that yes, yours truly, was so scared of needles that I didn't have my ears pierced at 37 years old.
But I deeply, DEEPLY wanted earrings.
How badly?
When I was a kid I would STEAL the stickers off the bananas in the grocery store and stick them on my ears and call them "ding-dings"(couldn't say earrings at 3 years old) and my mom had to put all the stickers back.
This happened frequently.
Oops.
But my mom doesn't have pierced ears, she didn't want them.
And I knew that the thing I wanted the most required needles, so I shied away from it.
For years I wore clip on earrings (but TBH some of those HURT so I didn't wear them often) and told myself that someday, someday I would work up the courage to do it.
For years I would look at photos of women with beautiful, glamorous earrings that framed their face and sparkled in the light and wanted so badly to have this experience for myself.
But my fear held me in place.
It said: Nope. You cannot have this.
This is reserved for others, not you.
Because you, YOU, you are afraid.
And that fear held on tiiiightly.
It was only when I started gradually facing other fears and dissolving them energetically, that my fear of getting my ears pierced started releasing its hold on me.
Or I started releasing my hold on it.
I believe that fear is an emotion, like any other emotion.
Emotions can be released, once you recognize them, observe them, and release them.
So...over the years, I began to study my fears and dissect them.
Bit by bit.
Day by day.
Releasing them a little more with inspired action.
Another confession -- when I started writing this blog almost 2 years ago, I was TERRIFIED to press publish on a post.
One of my mentors encouraged me to start a blog to share my journey, and I could write about it, but SHARING it?
No way.
The anxiety would take over.
Every. Single. Time.
My hands would shake as I wrote.
My stomach would knot.
It was pretty awful!
What was the underlying fear behind me writing this?
I was very concerned about what people think of me when I wrote my truth.
Would they reject me, laugh at me?
Would I lose friends?
And I'm sure to some degree, I know I am judged by my words.
But even if that's happening...
...so what?!
Why do I care so much about what other people think of me?
I looked at that fear and said -- screw that.
And I DID IT ANYWAY.
Why? Because the more I posted, the more the fear vanished.
Because now, people will message me and leave me comments saying how my blog has helped them, and truly, nothing makes me happier.
If my writing helps just ONE person, then that's enough for me.
Because helping others see their potential is my life purpose.
And if I can help by sharing my story, and the only thing holding me back is a bit of anxiety, well...I can get over that.
Happiness (and ultimately, love) is far, far stronger than fear.
So...I applied the same principle with getting my ears pierced.
I gave myself the permission to FEEL.
And really dig deep and observe the fear-behind-the-feeling.
What's holding me back from doing this?
1) I will be judged for getting my ears pierced at 37 when most people do this as infants. (ooof.)
2) There is a needle very, very close to my FACE.
(Eeeeeeeee yikes.)
But here's what I told myself.
You have conquered much scarier fears than this.
I've stared at the shadows deep inside my very soul and said -- I accept you. I love you.
I've hugged my nightmares (there's a post on this, too!)
I've conquered a tetanus shot...(though I totally put on a suit, heels and red lipstick to build up confidence before it!).
If I can get through THOSE things. This will be no problem.
I also looked at how I would feel AFTER I got my ears pierced.
Happy.
Excited.
Proud of myself!
Finally getting what I always wanted.
So, after observing my fear and working to release it over several years, I was now ready to take action.
I found myself killing time before a friend's wedding this weekend in Chicago.
And stumbled across Rowan, a piercing shop in the West Loop.
It was cute, clean, professional and bright.
My very old fear tempted me to walk away: you can't do this, Kristina.
And my higher-self said confidently back: you can do ANYTHING.
And so, I took a deep breath.
I walked in the door, heart racing. I slowly walked around the store, examining the sparkling earrings in the bright store lights.
I picked out a classy pair of tiny 14k CZ studs, and explained to the nurse my situation.
And guess what.
She didn't judge me. Not one bit. She supported me!
She said my worries were totally understandable.
She said she wouldn't use a needle but instead would pierce me with the earring itself in a gun, so I wouldn't have to look at a needle.
So, I sat in a white leather chair while she marked my ears with a permanent marker and practiced my breathing techniques to stay calm.
She paused and asked if I was ready.
I was. I held my breath. Let's GO!
I didn't flinch when the piercing went in.
I barely felt anything! I breathed a sigh of relief.
She looked at me and smiled and said, "You did it! You look great. How do you feel?"
In that moment, I felt triumphant.
Maybe even a little emotional.
A life-long fear, crushed in a Saturday afternoon.
A fear I held on tightly to for YEARS, vanished.
For the very things I was fearing...I could face.
I looked in the mirror and smiled.
I can DO this.
Know, my friend, that with any fear you are facing, however big or small -- you too, can DO THIS.
You are stronger than any fear.
You have faced far more challenging situations and won.
You are POWERFUL.
You are worthy of all your desires.
Your happiness is greater than fear.
The love you have for yourself can outweigh any fear you may have.
Really.
So this week -- I invite you to notice a fear you may have:
- Maybe that's speaking up in a meeting
- Signing up for that yoga/photography/art/jiujitsu class
- Asking for a raise
- Making an important phone call or appointment
- Climbing a physical ladder (this still freaks me out sometimes ha)
- Applying for a new job
- Booking that vacation/taking a flight
- Asking that person out for coffee
- Sending that email or text
- Going skydiving?! (maybe you are REALLY brave haha)
Whatever it is...just observe it. That's it.
And examine the real truth behind the fear.
Unravel those feelings a bit... give yourself permission and space to feel and observe them.
Let go of any resistance you may feel to this process.
And let go of the strands of fear that are attached to you.
Visualize them as chords to your root and solar plexus chakra, dissolving with light.
Nothing can hold you back.
And notice, truly notice, that you are STRONGER than any fear you may have.
Look at how far you've come and see what OTHER, bigger fears you have crushed.
You are invincible.
And when you crush that fear, it will feel SOOO good.
There is a great, great reward waiting for you on the other side.
Are you ready?!
Take a deep breath.
YOU.
GOT.
THIS!!
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