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New Year, More Alignment

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Let me ask you a question. Who... or what... did you want to be when you grew up? Think back to when you were a child, when someone asked you this -- what was your first response? I know, it may seem silly.  But it's fun to do. Think back to when there was no pressure to be... anything. Did you want to be...an astronaut? Ms. America? The President of the United States? A deep sea diver? Mine was...a teacher. Yup. Specifically, a music teacher. I LOVED music. In fact, I still love to sing.  I took many years of piano lessons and though those didn't really catch on as much, I can still plunk out "Happy Birthday"and "Carol of the Bells"...surprisingly!! But...it was my beloved grandfather (who had HAD this job, once upon a time) who told me that it wouldn't bring me happiness. This honestly made me very sad at the time.  I wanted to be like him. I wanted to offer joy through music to people, as he did. But he told me that it would not make me a lot of mone...
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How to: ditch the doubt and trust yourself

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"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change".  -- Carl Rogers Ever had one of those instances that shifted your whole view of yourself in a single moment? Where suddenly, you felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz going from black and white to a multi-colored, prismatic world? A total, eye-opening occasion.  I had one of these moments about two years ago...but it wasn't pretty! I'd been feeling really anxious, so I made an appointment with one of my mentors who has been truly influential on my spiritual journey.  I opened up Zoom, and we started chatting, and after about 10 minutes of talking.... ...I received the equivalent of a swift, hard smack across the face. OW.  Yup.  Lynnette is one of those incredible people that truly says it like it is, no sugar-coating... and in that moment...I was really struggling. With fear.  I had a TON of fear.  Fear of criticism from others. Fear of failure. Fear of bein...
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How to: control your dreams

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Have you ever had one of those dreams where you've woken up and you're like... DAMN.  THAT dream was intense. That dream must have MEANT something. Want to know more about them, how to hack them to gain clarity and peace? Let's go! So... This blog post was inspired by one of my former reoccurring nightmares. Yup.  I will preface this entire post to say, my dreams are NOT normal, so continue at your own enjoyment. (Or horror!) Over the years I've done a bit of an experiment with my dreams.  They've honestly been weird and intense since I was a child (for my fellow astrology nerds, I have Venus in the 12th house so that must explain something haha).  I've trained myself to remember my dreams and write them down, so I have them tracked in all the both fantastic and gory detail over the last 4 years of my life.  I have one very giant note on my phone.  I'm sure ChatGPT could tell me allll sorts of things about how strange I am should I plug that baby into it!...
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How to: re-discover your true self (and let go of judgement)

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The Last Judgement -- Cattedrale di Santa Maria del Fiore Duomo, Florence, Italy "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." I said these words while staring down at my folded hands, clasped together nervously. My knees were shaking as I breathed in the stale air of the tiny, wood paneled confessional with the red carpet. My chair creaked.  I chose to sit across from the priest, looking into his kind face as he smiled at me. "What would you like to confess, Kristina?" Fr. Litzau was a kind, generous man. He was soft spoken and had a gentle way of being.  He knew me already. I had started singing for church masses when I was 7 years old, leading the entire liturgy in song.  He always had thanked me after Mass and this gratitude stuck with me for the previous 3 years.  Today, in parochial school, for religion class during Lent, we had "group reconciliation" -- where instead of class, we all came to confess our sins.  While there were a number of priests available...
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How to: be reborn

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“If you die before you die, you won’t die when you die.” Inscription over the door to St. Paul's Monastery, Mt. Athos Mt. Athos in Northern Greece is one of those places that gave me goosebumps.  I can see why people thought, hundreds of years ago, that this mountain ITSELF was holy.  It has this awe inspiring, etherial quality of this towering mountain on the very edge of the deep blue sea.  And because of these qualities...they built a monastery on top of it.  So that people could be closer to God.  While it's not currently open to women (sigh) I stayed at a hotel that I could see the sunrise over the holy mountain many years ago and it was magic. But apparently, there is a strange quote on the door.... “If you die before you die, you won’t die when you die.” You are probably thinking to yourself...Kristina.   How the HELL do you do die before you die??!?!?! ... I'm going to let you in on a little secret... You've already died at least once....
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