Who are you living for, really?

This question came to me after I had a wonderful conversation tonight with a dear friend. 

If I were to be totally and honest with myself...was I really living for ME? 

Or for other people?

I guess several years ago I never would have even thought to ask myself this question. 

For most of my life, I wore the term "people-pleaser" with a shrug and a smile, and I secretly loved it.

A few years back someone wrote in one of my performance reviews at work (don't get me started on these) that I was "hard-wired to please". I remember reading this comment with an odd mix of disdain and satisfaction as I held the paper in front of my boss, who was beaming with pride as he delivered this news. I actually got a promotion that day. 

 At the time, this only caused a very, very small red flag to go up in my heart.

The rest of me was like YES YAY EVERYONE LOVES ME I'M STILL EMPLOYED WHEW. 

Shocker.

In general, I liked making people happy, and and it made me happy that they liked me. I avoided conflict at all cost, and instead of saying how I truly felt about something, I would just do or say whatever the other person or group wanted, because it "kept the peace".

But my heart wasn't peaceful. Inside I was like...wait, what about what I want? 

Why was I letting someone else's opinion of me cost so much of my OWN peace?

I realize now how much I let other people's opinions of me define my life. And I totally went with it.

I did what I thought I was supposed to do -- staying at jobs I didn't like for longer than I should have, worried about what other people would think if I quit. I went to events and parties even if I was completely exhausted because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I followed the invisible guidebook that had been outlined for me, probably named "how to live your life respectfully and dutifully".

Never did I think I had the courage to speak up and say what I truly wanted. Or say no to things. Because if I did...what would happen? Would people they be mad, would they hate me? I didn't want to find out. 

It was far safer to stay silent, and that way everyone was "happy". 

Here's the thing...being a people-pleaser isn't about you at all. It's actually a hidden control mechanism. 

When you choose what others want from you, over what you want, you're making a choice. You are choosing to go along with what they want in an effort to control their opinion about you.

You want them to like you more than anything else. In this way, you're denying your own inner truth, and actually hurting yourself.

But you don't have to continue this. 

You can choose YOU. But here's the thing -- with that, you take responsibility for your choices. 

You make a choice every. single. second. What you listen to, who you talk to, what you say. You're choosing to read this (thank you!) and you're choosing to think about your life in a different way.

When you shift the ownership of your life to you, completely...there's no one to blame. You no longer can say that someone else "made" you do something. You take on a new level of responsibility that can be terrifying, but offers tremendous peace and joy. 

Because counting on YOU is always a safe bet. 

Choosing your happiness isn't being selfish. Choosing YOU is freeing, and will bring more happiness into your life. 

So I'll leave you with this question...who are you choosing to live for today?