Shadow Work: Hug the Darkness

As we're dipping into fall in Wisconsin, there's increasingly more evidence of death and decay.

Leaves falling, temperatures dropping, plants are moving into hibernation mode.

Yet, I'm sitting outside in the sun, grateful for these last lovely days of lingering warmth. And finding myself ready to embrace what comes next. I'm actually not unhappy about the weather changing. 

This is VERY new for me. 

I used to absolutely despise fall. I HATED it. Dreaded it every. single. year. 

I'm a creature of warm weather -- if I don't have to wear a sweater or a coat, I'm happy. I actually am one of those *crazy* people that loves 80-90 degrees. In sun. And humidity.

 !!!

I know. 

But I'm learning to embrace the beauty in fall -- the leaves changing, the crisp air, a warm cup of coffee outside. 

I've found that Fall is a lot like shadow work. What is shadow work?

It's essentially when you confront the darkness within you...those parts of you that you don't like. And you accept them, you integrate them as opposed to rejecting them.

Just like Fall, I used to reject a lot of the parts of myself that mainly remained hidden. 

Shadow #1: anxiety. I covered anxiety with busyness -- thinking that if I was always busy, I didn't have time to be anxious. I wore "busy" like a badge of honor. I felt like if I could cram something into every nook and cranny of my day, I wouldn't have TIME to be anxious. 

Shadow #2: sadness. I covered this with alcohol and social excursions. I would go out and drink  and talk about work and current events with friends and colleagues -- but we never really discussed deeper issues. And if you took it a step further, you could see how most people weren't truly happy while drinking...they often confessed to their worries or sadness or unhappiness with their jobs. 

But after several cocktails, you're less unhappy, right? Temporarily. 

Another shadow: I was unable to spend time alone with my thoughts. I never wanted to be alone, I always had to have someone with me, or be on the phone with someone. This is codependency at its core, and when you seek to heal this, you release the need to depend on other people to bring you happiness. You rely on YOU to make you happy.

Shadow work is diving deep. It's uncovering the source of your anxiety or sadness and releasing the fear you've held around it. 

It can be challenging, but it's deeply transformational -- once you start to uncover your previous unconscious patterns, and you seek to break them in order to move forward. 

To become a BETTER version of yourself. 

Charlie Morley teaches an idea in his books on Lucid Dreaming that's about healing your shadow self while you sleep. 

Nightmares provide incredible opportunities for growth. 

When you have a nightmare, don't run from the big scary demonic thing in your dream that's lurking behind a corner ready to murder you... (wait, am I the only one that had these dreams??!)

Don't fight it. Don't run. Don't scream and yell. I know, that ALL seems counterintuitive. 

Instead -- embrace it. Hug it. Tell it you LOVE it. 

Hear me out...

When you dream, you're bringing up your OWN subconscious...these are parts of you that you don't even recognize. With a nightmare, you can embrace your shadow self and help integrate that part of you. This helps you release sadness, anxiety, and codependency. 

Another way to recognize and heal your shadow self is by journaling. Ask yourself the tough questions... why can't I feel comfortable alone? What sadness am I covering up? Why? 

What am I afraid of? 

And release it. Recognize it, and let it go. You don't have to carry those emotions with you any more. 

I found that when I started my meditation and mindfulness path, I was unable to tolerate alcohol like I used to. I now can have an occasional single glass of wine, but that's it. No more tequila negronis...le sigh. (I'm only kidding, I DO miss cocktails!)

But I realized that alcohol was an escape for me, and I was using it as a crutch. This of course isn't the case for everyone, it's different for us all. For some people, their escape is overeating, or TV, online shopping, or video games. Even social media can be a crutch. 

Essentially, we all have the things we use to "comfort" our shadow selves temporarily, but it's a fleeting comfort. 

This part of you needs to be embraced and integrated before you can move on. 

Instead of comforting sadness with an hour long social media scroll -- go for a walk. Look at the fall colors. Breathe deeply. Make yourself a hot cup of coffee or tea and read that book that you've been waiting to read. Light some candles. 

Nurture YOU. You deserve this. 

So as fall comes in, I invite you all to step back and take a look at the parts of you that you may have hidden from YOU. And invite them to have a conversation with you. Accept them. Release them. And know that you're stepping into a whole new life. 

And remember...HUG YOUR NIGHTMARES! :)

Breathe. You got this.