Chatting with Your Ancestors

I’ve been working on this topic for about month, because I wasn’t exactly sure how to express it. Death, and loss, are never easy things to talk about -- so most people don't talk about them! 

However, I’ve started to reframe the thought of “passing away” into a more...hopeful state. 

Here’s my take:

Einstein told us that everything in this universe is energy. 

Even what is not considered to be energy comes from energy or is caused by energy.

So if everything is energy, including love, then when someone (or even a pet) that we love dies, does that energy disappear? 

Does that love just…vanish? 

No. I believe it remains, and  — that you can still access it.

Death is not the end, my friends.  

This past spring my grandmother (who had suffered dementia for several years) began to experience more health issues. This did NOT in any way affect her spirit, and when I would come to visit, she’d always greet me with a huge smile and would know exactly who I was. 

She always used to tell me that “we came from the gypsies”. I used to laugh at this remark for years, until I did a bit of research and found out that the area that my grandmother, and many of my grandparents were from…was indeed, Bohemia -- especially in the 1700s. 

Land of the gypsies. 

She taught me traditions, “the old ways” — one of my favorites (which horrified my mother to no end) was to lick the tip of your finger and thumb (very important, don't skip this step) and pinch a lit candle to snuff it out. My grandmother’s take: you NEVER blew out a candle…because blowing it out would blow away the blessings!

From her, I found a love of baking -- the joy of success at making challenging recipes (almond filled croissants) and what you can learn from failed attempts (including, ahem, a certain gluten free Swiss roll cake that I made twice before I gave up). 

(Tip: buy a GF cake mix and tell no one). 

She always had a beautiful story to tell — and for her, a walk down memory lane was a trip to me to the past. She and my grandfather had an epic love story…they met when she was a Red Cross nurse and he was a wounded solider — and despite so many challenges (including my grandfather being captured during WWII) they always found their way back to each other. 

She’d tell me of her family in Germany — of growing up and learning how her father’s bakery functioned. Of visiting her grandparents on a farm in the countryside and milking the cows. Of her grandmother’s outdoor “washing machine” which included some metal contraption and a bucket. They weren't wealthy, they worked very hard, and they were always grateful for what they had. 

So...why does this matter? 

With her stories I began to learn of my ancestors and develop an appreciation for everything that they’d gone through. I can connect these stories to myself, my identity.

Your roots show you where you came from, and it gives you a sense of belonging. 

It also makes you more resilient...life is hard no matter what century you're living in, but...life would be much harder if you had to wash your clothes in a bucket outside in the winter! :)

You may be wondering... does one "speak" with their ancestors?

They often show up in mysterious ways. And sometimes, they show up with a message. Maybe in your dreams.  

I had an interesting situation a few years ago where I had a random dream about a coworker’s mother who had recently passed on. I’d never met this woman, and I didn’t know my coworker (let's call her Kelly) all that well either — but I had a dream that Kelly's mom showed up and handed me a letter. 

She said it was imperative I give this message to her daughter — the message said that Kelly should NOT sell an apartment that she had left to her upon her death. The apartment was in another state, and naturally there would be complications around it — but this woman was VERY firm. I had a message to deliver. 

I promptly woke up from this dream…and….dismissed it. 

It was just a dream right? 

I thought I’d forget about it. That it would go away, like dreams do. 

Nope. 

In fact, this dream came back to me several times, almost demanding that I do something about it. 

Finally, I had enough. Over a Zoom call (after discussing work) I mustered up enough courage to tell Kelly that I had this dream…about her mother…who had a message for her. 

Right?!

It was nerve wracking — how would she react? Not your typical Zoom call conversation...!

I told her the message, and I thought my screen froze. 

Kelly sat in silence for a few moments before she looked at me and said, “I honestly don’t know HOW you would know this, but…my mother left me an apartment in Chicago in her will, and I’ve been preparing myself to sell it but now…I’m going to re-think that.”

Definitely not the answer I was expecting!

Unfortunately, I don’t know what happened after I relayed this message, as I lost touch with my coworker. 

But I told this story to my wise friend and mentor, Clare, and she responded with,"the moral of this story is that death is not the end." 

I don't think it gets much clearer than that. 

I often look to my ancestors for help, for guidance, for advice. I thank them for all that they gave to my family, and I ask what I can learn from them. 

What can they teach me that I want to retain? 

How can I be more like them?

Conversely...what lessons can I learn from them that I don’t wish to repeat? 

No family is perfect. 

If you look back on people's lives -- especially those you knew and loved, they would want you to learn from their mistakes. What path did they take, and how can you choose differently?

If you noticed a family pattern that you don't want in your life -- that's key. Consider it a gift of observation -- your ancestors are showing you a lesson so that you can take a different path than they did.

This summer — my beautiful grandmother, at 99 years old, passed on. I don’t want to say, "passed away" — because I truly don’t believe that we go “away” when we die. 

I believe that she’s absolutely here with me, and all I have to do is remember her smile or a story she told me, and her spirit is present. 

Every time I bake something I know that she’s standing close by…making sure I make it, “just so”. 

If you feel like it, talk to those around you that have passed on. 

Say hello, and watch how you feel. Light a candle to remember them, and know that they're with you. 

And if helps…remember that everything is energy. 

Even love. 

Especially love. 

Breathe. You got this.