Go Ahead...Give Yourself Permission

They say hindsight is 20/20, right?

But I'm beginning to see that intuition is a hundred times stronger...its like hindsight and foresight combined (with some night vision thrown in there for fun)!

It's really that powerful...the key is trusting it. 

In Fall 2020 I pretty much flat out refused to listen to my intuition. I was VERY stubborn, but looking back, I learned a valuable lesson. 

After I got back to the United States after working remotely in South America, my long-term freelance contract with a large agency in Milwaukee ended. They had offered me a generous full-time position, but deep inside I knew it wasn't for me. I declined the offer, and started tentatively building my business. I'd been wanting to start my own brand strategy business for years, and I finally had, but admittedly, I was afraid of allowing it to grow. 

I was afraid of branching out and networking and actually finding new business connections and staying with one agency just seemed so much...easier. 

Safer. 

But that little voice inside of me said: you CAN do this. Believe in you. 

Which was good! I was building confidence. So I applied, and applied, and applied...to LOTS of jobs. Freelance, full-time, part-time, anything. I honestly didn't have much of a filter, or even a road map of WHAT I wanted, I just wanted to do brand strategy for companies. 

(Hindsight: this was my first mistake...not knowing what I wanted). 

Then, I was approached by a prestigious advertising agency in Chicago, and after many rounds of interviews, they offered a position. It seemed like a pretty good fit. They offered me a very attractive brand strategy position, but....the catch was that it was full time. It came with a fantastic salary, a great title, benefits, 401k match, perks -- a fully remote role (before those became more plentiful).

Sounds perfect, right? 

Nope. 

This caused a LOT of self-doubt for me. My mind and my heart literally divided into two completely separate opinions.  

My mind said: YES. Take this full-time job. This is perfect. It offers stability, money, prestige. You want this. You can move up the corporate ladder here, this will look fantastic on your resume. (Oh, hello there, ego). 

My heart said: NO. This is wrong for you. You want to build something, to create something new, and this job won't allow for that. You're sacrificing your freedom for...money and a title. Is it worth it? Will this bring you joy?

And I waffled. I doubted myself. For days. I couldn't seem to let go of the notion that I could do things on my own, and that I needed to depend on an agency to provide work for me. 

I wanted to stick with the safe, the comfortable, the life I'd always known. 

Until, finally, the agency asked for my decision. 

Because every alarm bell in my head was going off (my intuition kicked in, hard) -- I said no to taking a full time job with them. But... I did say yes -- to freelancing for them full time. 

I'd try it, right? See how it goes? 

(This was my second mistake...ignoring a LOUD intuitive notion that this was wrong for me, and letting my fear take over -- that I wouldn't find another position as good as this one.)

Within about 3 months I learned quickly why I wasn't meant to take a full time job with this company. This company was stuck in lots of old-school tradition, many rules, lots of politics -- and offered a culture of fear. Fear of each other, fear of the client's reactions -- as well as a lack of accountability and trust in each other. Plus their always-on culture simply perpetuated more fear of not-responding-within-a-micro-second and made doing good work so much harder. 

This was not aligned with me at all, and it felt like I was swimming up stream. I battled it daily and it was really tough. It was like I was fighting against myself. 

(Really...that whole hindsight being 20/20 thing...I should have listened to my intuition to start with!) 

After about 3 months of this daily fighting, I had enough. I quit. I fully let go. And it was a decision that was completely aligned with the agency as well, as they admitted they needed to hire at least one full-time person, if not more, to take on the work they had been giving me. We parted on happy terms. 

The relief I felt afterwards felt like someone had lifted a 400lb rock from my shoulders!

I took a breath and a few days off. 

I started thinking with my heart -- about what I REALLY wanted. I made a list of what mattered to me: 

I want to work with good people that trust each other.

I want to work with clients that value me and my creativity.

I want to work with companies that are willing to think outside the box. 

I want to work with brands that inspire me. 

I want to work with those that value collaboration, trust, vulnerability, and respect. 

I want to be paid fairly for my work, but I value happiness above a high salary. 

I had to let go of my previous beliefs, that I needed stability to succeed.

 

I had to trust myself that I would find the work that's right for me. 

I had to let go of what I thought I knew, to make room for something new. 

We cling so tightly to what's known, what's safe and secure, because we're almost afraid to see what happens when we let go. 

But know that when you let go... you make space to receive something NEW. 

Something even better. 

In 2021 I met some of the most amazing people -- new clients, new agencies, with progressive ways of thinking. I've worked with some incredibly open-minded people, and I was invited to work on interesting accounts with great teams of people from all over the country. 

My business flourished, and I no longer felt like I was fighting myself. Instead, I was honoring myself...by choosing what made me happy. 

But I had to let go first.

I had to give myself permission to try something new.

And that's...scary. 

But it's not impossible.

Sometimes, our logical mind takes over. And while this can be good for some things, some times we overthink -- and tell ourselves things that frankly aren't true. And we get stuck in negative patterns of thinking. 

So...when this happens, sometimes it's best to STOP thinking, and start listening. Go within. What does your heart say? 

Here are some of the questions I ask myself when I'm thinking too much with my logical mind, and not enough with my heart:

What people/places/things no longer resonate with me?

What do I need to become a better person?

Where am I fighting my intuitive knowing?

How do I let go, to let in something new?

When have I been the happiest in my life?

How can I find more of what brings me joy?

This year, give yourself permission. 

Permission to choose what's aligned with you -- and walk away from what isn't. 

Permission to have stronger boundaries.

Permission to choose what brings you the most joy.  

Permission to create something new that excites you. 

Permission to choose YOU above what other people want for you. 

Permission to listen to your intuition...it will guide you. 

Trust it.  

And remember -- just breathe.

You got this.