How to: find out who you REALLY are

Let me ask you a question.

If I were to ask you — who are you?

….what would you tell me?

I bet many of you would look at me and tell me what you do for a living. 

Or what success you have achieved in life. 

Or about your family. 

Where you come from.

All of this is incredible, and absolutely a part of who you are. 

But I want to challenge you to go a little deeper...to the root of it all. 

You ready?

Let’s start….by taking it ALL off. (Ooo!)

(Do I have your attention now?! Just kidding!)

Ok....

Take off all the “titles” from work…director, CEO, manager, etc. 

Take off the familial “roles” you play…mother/father/sister/brother/son/daughter… remove it all. 

 

If you took off the school diplomas.

Your religious affiliation. 

Your age. 

The zip code you live in. 

Your political affiliation. 

Any box that society uses to “define” you — remove it. 

All of it. 

Alright, let me ask again. 

Who are you now?

You would tell me...well…I am…ME. 

I am my beliefs. 

I am my values. 

And I would say…EXCELLENT. 

That’s how you start to connect with your higher self.

I AM is who you ARE. 

You, simply… ARE. 

You exist. 

You are a living, breathing, miracle. 

You are a part of the Divine. 

You are part of all that is. 

Just sit with that for a second and recognize with me how freakin’ incredible you are, ok??!

Good. 

And when you start stripping off all the titles and starting at the brass tacks of WHO AM I. 

It gets REAL, my friends. 

If you had told me three years ago that I would go on a massive spiritual journey to figure out who I truly was and it would change the way I viewed my entire life…

I would have said — You. Are. Crazy. 

Why? Because I thought at that point that I knew exactly who I was. 

I was a director of brand strategy for several ad agencies and owned my own flourishing freelance business. 

I had an MBA from Marquette University. 

I defined my spiritual affiliation as Catholic. 

I had close relationships with family and friends.

I was 34 years old. I lived in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

I knew my values: I believed in hard work, dedication, kindness, compassion. 

And I had the beliefs that I’d carried with me my entire life. 

But if you had asked me…Kristina, why do you exist?

What do you want to be known for when you die?

What is your PURPOSE?

I would have stared at you blankly. And I wouldn't have had an answer. 

Because I did not know WHO I was. 

These are BIG questions, my friends. 

But to dig a little deeper…I had to examine my beliefs. 

My values. 

What I was raised with, and what I learned over time. 

We are brought up in a particular way with a certain set of circumstances that shape our beliefs, our understanding of the world. 

This is not wrong, it just IS. 

We are born into a set of circumstances that we can choose to remain in, or we can choose to leave. 

We can choose to believe what our parents, our grandparents and great-grandparents believed…or. 

We can choose a different set of beliefs. 

Here’s the the thing though, you can CHOOSE. You have free will. You have that power. 

No one is choosing your life for you. 

No one has inherent power over your life. No one. 

Sit with that for a second. 

Work does not have power over you. 

You choose your job. You have chosen where to live, who to live with. 

You choose your attitude. 

You choose your values. 

You always, always have control over your mind. Your thoughts. Your beliefs. 

It goes back to the I AM — you have the power to choose what your life looks like. 

I was raised with some incredible examples of people around me. The pillars of courage and faith run deep within my family roots, and I draw from these all the time. 

My parents, grandparents and great-grandparents overcame some pretty unbelievable circumstances in their life — surviving war, disease, death, poverty, loss, pain, separation from loved ones…all with tremendous faith and courage. 

This faith and courage are values that I carry with me. It makes me who I AM. 

My Catholic upbringing instilled in me deep faith in God. 

But one time at church a few years ago, I started observing how many times the word “sinner” was used in the course of an hour.  At least 15 times. 

This struck a cord with me. 

If you tell people over and over again that they are sinners, they will believe it. 

They will feel unworthy of God. They will feel like something is wrong with them. That they are inherently...bad. 

I started realizing that every time I went to church, and was told that I was a sinner…it did not make me feel humility. 

It just made me feel guilty. And sad. And unworthy. 

Over time I started realizing that the emotions of guilt and shame are actually connected to an element of control. 

And the more I released the belief that anyone or anything had control over my emotions…the more freedom I felt. 

And I started feeling worthy to connect with God in my own way. 

I had a mentor once that encouraged us to look at our beliefs as “pictures”.  

These pictures, these ideas are ones that you grew up with from childhood on. 

You have your beliefs, and others have theirs.

We can't judge others for their beliefs, or ask them to change them. 

But we can observe where the belief came from...and, like a picture, take it down, or keep it up if it is still personally true for you. 

Beliefs are often passed down by generations — sometimes these were created in times of great stress and trial. 

You may have grown up thinking that the life your father, your grandfather, your great-grandfather had…is to be yours. 

Or that you have to believe what your family believed -- about worth, about money, about politics, about education. About God. 

My friend, I’m here to tell you today, that no one decides your beliefs for you. 

Though some deep inner work and healing, I uncovered that I had a deep, underlying belief that I was not worthy of a connection with God. 

Yup. And this belief was connected to many, many other beliefs. 

At the core of it all...I thought...I am NOT worthy.

I had to let go of this belief, and change that internal narrative.

I stopped seeing myself as an unworthy sinner, but worthy of love. 

Of happiness. Of peace. 

I released the expectations that others need to provide love and security for me. 

Because now, as I realized I am PART of God -- I have the power to generate this love for myself.

I became empowered to make life choices that serve me. I no longer viewed life as others steering my ship, but rather I AM the captain. 

That's...a pretty big shift in thinking. And this shift has changed my life radically. 

And all it takes to get here? Is a little introspection.

I promise that stepping into this feeling, this knowing, has provided me with more strength, love and compassion for others than I ever had before. 

It has given me a new foundation of who I am, and what I want to be known for. 

It has instilled me in the confidence to truly know myself, and to help others do the same. 

Over the course of this journey, I stumbled into some questions that have really helped me to think about my life and my purpose. 

Step 1: I start with ...what do I (currently) believe?

Examining your deeply held beliefs and values and doing a "gut-check" is super helpful.

For example: 

• What do I believe about my job? Where am I limiting myself?
• What do I believe about my family, and my role in it? Where am I taking on more than I should?
• What do I believe about my spiritual connection? How can I deepen it? 
• What do I believe about my relationships? How can I be open to more love in my life?

Step 2: What am I made of? (Who AM I?)

• What aspects of myself do I admire the most? How do I bring these out in my everyday life?
• What do I want my legacy to be? 
• Am I living a purposeful life? If not, why not? What small step can I do today to change that?
• Which of my struggles have shaped my life in an important way?

Now, I know some of you may be thinking, ugh. Struggles. I don't want to think about those. 

I’ve been through a lot. I didn’t choose those awful things that happened to me, they just happened. 

But you SURVIVED them. You conquered them. You DID IT. 

Those struggles showed you what you are made of!

You now get to choose how you THINK about those things that happened in your past. 

You get to choose healing (through breathwork, meditation, journaling, etc.)

Or...you can choose to cover up that pain and pretend it’s not there. 

You can choose to numb the pain out. 

I’ve done this. It IS possible, and it provides temporary relief. 

But here’s the thing, it doesn’t last.

The only thing that really, really helps….is taking a deep look at any residual pain. And finding the root of it. 

Again, many times it lies in childhood patterns or belief systems given to us by others.

But here’s the thing. You are not a child anymore.

You can choose a new belief about yourself.

You can choose to heal and release those old patterns, those limiting beliefs about yourself — all that negative critical self-talk.

Kick that critic to the curb!

And try these thoughts on...

I AM safe.

I AM worthy.

I AM creative.

I AM whole.

I AM abundant. 

I AM divine. 

I AM love.

This, my friend, is who you truly are. 

You are INCREDIBLE.

You are here for a REASON. 

You MATTER.

And when you step into that feeling of true, unconditional love for yourself - you will be open to receiving it from others -- you will become a magnet to it. 

Self-love, forgiveness and self-acceptance are the keys to unraveling who you are. 

In this moment, put your hand on your heart and say — I love you.

Just try it. Say it softly or out loud or in your mind. 

But breathe in that love. 

Because right now, I'm going to tell you a little secret. I know who you are. 

Ready?

At the very core of who you are, you ARE love. 

Don’t ever forget how amazing you are. 

Let go of any belief, any person or anything that tells you you are unworthy. 

And step into your true power as a creator. 

I'm sending you all of my love, and strength and support. 

Take a deep breath.

You got this!

(Thank you for reading!)