How to: find your faith

You know that song, Faith, by George Michael?

Cause I gotta have faith...faith faith...

(Yup...the same one you're singing in your head right now. Sorry. :))

For a very long time, I thought that faith was reserved only for religion.

And this song is definitely not about religion! It's more about a guy who is pining over some lover that left him and he wants them back. (Womp womp). 

And has to have faith, faith, faith that it will happen, despite all odds. 

Keep singing it, George!

So. Growing up Catholic I often believed that faith meant one thing --  FAITH in God. 

Like Faith. With a capital F. And that was the one thing that purely defined my belief. 

It meant loyalty and trust in God. 

That faith was the foundation, the thread that kept it all neatly together -- that faith meant -- I believe in God. 

And interestingly, that faith usuallllly came into play when something bad happened. 

Anyone else with me?

Like, it would show up when someone was ill, or an accident happened and it usually sounded like -- we need to have faith that God will take care of it. 

Which was puzzling to me. Because I sort of figured...shouldn't we have faith ALL the time?

Why are we just pulling this up now?

Why does it only show up when bad things happen?

What does it have to do with God, anyway?

Lots of questions, all the time. That's me!

So, I started digging a bit...

For my own research: 

Faith is defined as:

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing:faith in another's ability.

2. belief that is not based on proof:He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

So...this meant to me at the time....that I am meant to call on this confidence, this trust in God, this belief that is not based on any physical proof, that God will handle anything, resolve anything.  

But what does that mean when things AREN'T perfectly resolved?

When that person doesn't heal, or things don't go the way you expect. 

Does that mean the faith, the trust, the confidence in God disappears?

Sometimes, yes. 

My aunt was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when I was in high school. 

She was in her early 50's. I loved her immensely, she was the funniest, most charismatic, kind, genuine, fun-loving woman you could imagine. I miss her all the time. 

She constantly wanted to help people and brighten their day, she was filled with courage and confidence and optimism. 

At the time, I was about 16...and I didn't know how serious her cancer was, until my parents told me after her long battle, that she had a 10% chance of living. 

I am a glass-half-full person. And I had FAITH. In SPADES.

And so I lived on that number....10%. 

I repeated it all day in my head to myself. It was something. It was enough. 

I prayed diligently for her return to health, a full recovery. I had FAITH that she would recover. 

And when she didn't, and she passed away, my faith in God faded. 

Poof. Vanished. 

At first I was angry, and sad, and confused, and then still angry.

ARGH! I threw all my faith at this situation and it didn't work?! What did I do wrong?!!?!?

Honestly? My trust lapsed. Because I was taught that Faith was external. 

You are putting that faith in something OUTSIDE of you. 

Over time I began to realize that faith doesn't work like a miracle-machine. 

You don't insert faith, and out pops the miracle. 

To me, I began to shift into the realization that faith was more about ME, than anything else.

That even though something bad happened in my life, I would still be ok. 

The faith was actually INTERNAL. 

And if (going back to religion) I came from God (the Divine/Source/Universe) and God was part of ME, that meant...

FAITH = Belief in ME

Whoa. 

Back to the definition:

Faith:  

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing --- IN MEfaith in another's ability.

2. belief that is not based on proof --- IN MEHe had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

So...what if, faith actually means... in spite of everything that happens, I can trust in myself.

I can have belief, that is not based in any real PROOF that I will be provided for, that I will be ok. 

This faith, then, is rooted in the belief that -- I am taken care of, infinitely. 

I can rest assured that no matter what happens, I believe in myself. 

I can rest in the faith of my inner truth. 

And with my Aunt, I knew that she was at peace. And even though it took some time to heal from the pain of her not being physically with me anymore, I knew she was with me spiritually. 

Faith then became...faith, in my own knowing. 

I started wondering, then...ok, so how do I have more faith in ME?

And what happens when I lose that?

Here's my thought, and this is just my thought! -- you can't really ever lose faith. 

I think it just gets hidden a bit under a bunch of other beliefs. 

So instead I'd ask, what limiting beliefs am I carrying around about me that are BLOCKING me from greater faith in myself? 

And then once I let go of those, how do I build FAITH up in myself?

FIRST -- accept what IS. Often times I couldn't move forward in life until I accepted the current situation for what it is. Fighting against it, being angry with life just drains the energy right out of you. What we resist, persists. So that's why letting go is such a power move. I finally had the energy to move forward because I wasn't hanging on to the past. 

SECOND -- get back to the good. Look back on how FAR you've come and just how much you've accomplished. Remember what you've gone through and that you can do it again. 

THIRD -- be nice to your freakin' awesome SELF! You are AMAZING. Just think about what combination of events had to happen for you to be born. The brain will believe what you tell it the most. So start giving yourself the approval you need, you don't need to wait for anyone else. 

FOURTH -- never give up on yourself. Find the things that help you to nurture and nourish yourself -- mentally, spiritually and physically. For me, meditation and spending time actually getting to know myself has changed me from the inside out. 

I've heard from others its journaling, or yoga, or ice baths (you people inspire me brrrrrr). 

Go out and FIND THAT THING that fuels your fire and helps you dig into who you really are at your core, and you will see that you are INCREDIBLE. 

Cause I gotta have faith, faith, faith... in me.

And I have faith in YOU. 

Big time!

Keep going. You got this.