How to: be reborn

“If you die before you die, you won’t die when you die.”

Inscription over the door to St. Paul's Monastery, Mt. Athos

Mt. Athos in Northern Greece is one of those places that gave me goosebumps. 

I can see why people thought, hundreds of years ago, that this mountain ITSELF was holy. 

It has this awe inspiring, etherial quality of this towering mountain on the very edge of the deep blue sea. 

And because of these qualities...they built a monastery on top of it. 

So that people could be closer to God. 

While it's not currently open to women (sigh) I stayed at a hotel that I could see the sunrise over the holy mountain many years ago and it was magic.

But apparently, there is a strange quote on the door....

“If you die before you die, you won’t die when you die.”

You are probably thinking to yourself...Kristina. 

 How the HELL do you do die before you die??!?!?!

...

I'm going to let you in on a little secret...

You've already died at least once. 

And have been reborn.

Yup. Really. 

Humor me...

Tell me if any of these situations have ever applied to you: 

• You have left a job
• Moved homes
• Ended a relationship
• Changed a career
• Changed your beliefs
• Changed your identity
• Navigated a health crisis 
• Had a child 
• Lost a loved one
• Navigated anything supremely difficult

IF SO....

I am SO proud of you.

You, my friend, have navigated a "death/rebirth" cycle. 

YOU. MADE. IT. 

Through a VERY difficult challenge. 

It did not consume you. 

You overcame IT.

So...what if. 

What if...death, in some way, marked your own hero's journey, and showed you what you have overcome?

What if we could see challenge as... a point of transformation?

Or, even as GOOD thing?

What if it pushed us to be DIFFERENT?

What if something truly magnificent could come from the survival of each of these challenges?

Think about this.

You have faced, and overcome DEEP fears.

You have looked scary situations in the eye and not backed down. 

It is not for the faint of heart!

Take a second and recognize for me that...

You are a HERO. 

In those moments, it may have felt...like part of YOU was dying. 

And in some ways, it was. 

Here me out...

What died, in that moment, was an old sense of self. 

The sense of self that identified as BEING part of that thing...

• The part that WAS a former job
• The part that WAS a former relationship
• The part that WAS a former belief 

Letting go completely of "the old you". 

The death/rebirth cycle has hit me a few times now. 

And in the moment? You are SHOOK.

Sometimes even depressed. 

It feels like everything has fallen around you. 

One notable cycle was when I shifted from full time to freelance, and it brought on a huge "ego" death.

I no longer had a title or a 401k or steady income -- there was no job security to speak of. 

Work was never guaranteed.

I had to pitch every project and sometimes work for half my bill rate just to make some money, and promised projects fell through all the time.

I spent many days alone thinking...

"Who even AM I ANYMORE?!?!?!"

Yup.

Did I panic when I didn't have work originally?

Oh, yes I diiiiid.

Yours truly panic applied to 400 jobs one day. 400. 

I'll never forget it. 

I woke up early and didn't stop clicking "apply now" to every, single, job that had "freelance brand strategy"in it until 9pm. 

I was OBSESSED with finding work, because without work...who was I?

If I wasn't always productive, or always making money, was I even worth anything at all?

Was I worthless if I didn't have a job and wasn't DOING something constantly?

I had to let all of this...DIE.

I'm not going to sugar coat it -- it was kind of a painful process. 

It took a lot of daily work. 

The whole process was a gift, but didn't feel it. 

I was always anxious. My nervous system was on hyperdrive and had to SLOW down. 

So...to calm my anxiety, I started meditation. 

I started breathing exercises. Somatic healing. 

I started praying more -- making and honoring my own sacred space.

I took over a room of my house and converted it into my meditation space and home office.

And slowly, my nervous system started to heal. I started to heal. 

To know who I really AM.

There's new clarity then. More lightless. 

Fresh new insight in the "rebirth" phase. 

I eventually came to the conclusion that my work does not define my WORTH. 

I started to really embrace my intuition, my spiritual side. 

As I've personally moved even more into spirituality, and have shed even more of my former "corporate" identity -- many things shifted.

I don't thrive in an office setting anymore. 

I walk barefoot a lot. I sit outside a lot. 

Friends left. New friends showed up. 

My religious beliefs that I held for my entire life changed and grew even more aligned. 

My dietary habits have changed. And I feel healthier. 

And my nervous system is so. much. calmer. 

Is it all perfect now? Nope.

I'm still peeling back my own layers. 

But when I'm in a death/rebirth "cycle" I find it helpful to:

• have extra nature time (the plants themselves understand death/rebirth very well!)☘
• H20 in all forms 
• movement
• keep my heart open  
• surrender emotionally 
• be gentle with myself
• observe
• let go
• take nothing personally
• celebrate small wins

And it's work, but it's been SO worth it.

I realized that as I released the old parts of me...I was still standing. 

Still breathing. 

And in fact...I was stronger than I was before.

You too, my friend, have navigated this type of experience. 

You have died to self...and LIVED. 

You are reborn. 

Ok. But wait oonnne second...what about that second part?

“If you die before you die, you won’t die when you die.”

You won't die...when you die?

How the...!?!

Ok, hear me out.

This goes back to the element of I AM. Everyone can identify with I AM. 

You, right now, my dear friend -- are reading these words on this screen. 

You are alive. You exist. 

(I hope?! Pinch yourself. Haha ok or don't...)

You are breathing. 

You have a deep awareness of your existence. 

Just feel into this present moment. 

You are conscious of WHO you ARE.

That consciousness is eternal. 

The I AM part of you is ALWAYS aware of yourself as being conscious. 

Even if your mind is racing.

ESPECIALLY if your mind is worrying.

Even if your MIND tells you that everything is wrong and the world is ending.

Your I AM self will be the calm, steady, quiet voice that says:

You are safe.

You are loved. 

You are protected.

Deep breath. 

All is well. 

The mind only recognizes things that have a beginning and an end. 

Like thoughts. Perceptions. 

Past, present, and future. 

Life itself. 

Our mind sees these as facts that we can hold on to...

People are born. 

People die. 

But the ability for the mind to know that I AM...

That you are more powerful than your thoughts.

That you exist beyond your thoughts...

And that your awareness, your consciousness... is MORE than your mind.

OR your body.

Now, that's a superpower. 

This is what I feel when I'm meditating. 

Like all my thoughts and worries completely vanish, and I'm floating in a void of nothingness.

And when I put all my energy on my heart space, and call in LOVE, I can feel that love radiate throughout every cell in my body.

There is nothing to feel but love. 

This is where I feel that I simply...AM. I exist. 

This daily meditation experience has taught me to surrender. 

Even when life feels unstable.

Especially then. 

To let go of all my thoughts, fears and worries. 

And to trust that the love I feel will always be there for me.

That it's truly safe to let go. 

The daily trust-fall in meditation that I can release my mind-chatter and settle into my conscious awareness of simply...existing. 

This has taught me to not fear death.

To not fear change. 

That everything happens for a reason.

Including the curveballs.

The redirects. 

The loop-de-loops of life.

Especially those!

The breakdown leads to the breakthough.

If this message finds you with the world crumbling around you -- let it crumble.

Trust it. 

A new, better, stronger foundation is coming.  

And you are building it...step by step. 

Day by day. 

For things to come together, they must fall apart first.

Without destruction, there is no room to rebuild.

Transformation requires change. 

You can't bypass death to experience rebirth. 

And the rebirth brings fresh perspective.

Rebirth brings a NEW lease on life.

New energy, more momentum.

More peace. 

I promise. 

Everything you have died to, have let go of, has led to you to RIGHT NOW.

Congratulations, my friend.

Keep going.

Keep peeling back the layers.

Settle into your awareness that you are SAFE. 

You are LOVED.

And release any thoughts that tell you otherwise. 

You are ETERNAL. 

You are amazing.

You got this. 

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.” -- John 3:3