How to: release an old life and embrace the new

Let me ask you this: have you ever had one of those moments where it has felt like your old self is literally in a boxing match with your new self?

Where there's a part of you that's clinging to the past like Jack hanging on to the door in the Titanic and your new self is prying it off, finger by finger saying, "LET IT GO, why are you still hanging on to this?!"

(Poor Jack.)

Yup. I've lived through several of those moments.

And they aren't fun, but they are important.

Because it not only allows you to see how far you've come, it allows you see what part of you -- you've outgrown.

I outgrew my old life, and I had one very specific, very maddening "tower moment" that made it all blatantly clear.

Let's dive in...

I've owned and operated my own brand strategy business for about 6 years, working mainly with major advertising agencies as a freelance strategist. 

There was one project that nearly cost me my sanity, but it was -- as the universe would have it -- the thing that allowed me to break free.

When I bid the project, I used a template that I'd used successfully with other clients and projects for years -- estimating the time and effort it would take to get fantastic results for this client.

I offered them the exact same structure and pricing I had to at least 5 other clients of the same size.

I should have known something was off when the client came back and had "red-lined" my proposal -- and asked if they could internally handle my steps "1-4" and I would be responsible for steps "5-6". 

Hmmm...RED FLAG, Kristina. 

Essentially they wanted me to build a house with whatever materials they supplied me. 

I was not allowed to gather the input I needed for the work they needed me to do -- I was too "expensive".

My bid was reduced by at least 40%. I should have seen this as a sign. Guess what?

I did not. 

I decided that -- they are willing to pay me! -- so I took the project anyways.

I waited for weeks for the information from parts 1-4 to show up. 

It did, eventually, in the form of AI transcripts... from meetings I was not a part of.

Ok...

The customer testimonials I requested were reduced to a few public online submissions, not the 1:1 sessions I had suggested.

The input I was given to use to build a home was essentially...rotting lumber. And some rusty nails. Maybe a glue gun. 

But I had a job to do. I built the house anyway. I created the strategy as best I could, with whatever I could get my hands on, and delivered on time, and on budget.

The time came for me to present my work to the client. 

He stared at me, sighed deeply, sat back in his chair and dead-panned: 

"You know, I am so disappointed in this strategy, it's...not insightful."

I managed to keep my jaw from dropping to the floor. I had truly done my best.

And... I had never heard this from a client in nearly two decades of my advertising career. 

I held my ground. I calmly walked him though my process -- what information I was given, and what I created from it.

He paused, and looked at his team members who had become very, very quiet. 

"Alright, so. Where are the customer quotes from the 1:1 sessions? That is a critical element to this project."

I took a deep breath. "With all due respect, that element of my work was removed from the project due to...budget constraints."

He stared at me. "Well, you need to go back and do that RIGHT NOW."

I felt like I was being scolded by an angry parent. 

This wasn't a "partnership"--  this was authoritarianism. 

I smiled and said I would do my best. 

After weeks of back and forth and trying to re-scope, reshape and save this project, I eventually called it quits. 

It wasn't so much that my work wasn't respected, it was that I wasn't respected. 

I asked to be paid and it was met with great reticence.

I sat down and meditated and set the intention, "please show me -- how did this all go so wrong?!"

I heard in response, "the part of you that is old is fighting the new. You traded respect for money. The part of you that saw this work for what it was -- was overcome by your fear of not having enough."

All true. 

The world where I had to prove myself and my worth was fading away.

I've been doing deep intuitive work with individuals directly for years now, and that work has made me feel seen, valued, and respected in a way that I'd never been for.

People sit with me in truth and in deep vulnerability. 

They honor me and my time and my words, and give me their love in return.

It's work that happens on a soul level, an internal level, and it is work I not only deeply love, but deeply value.

This branding work? It was taking me away from what I loved.

It was moving me away from myself, and back into an old world of ego.

One where I constantly had to prove my worth to others. 

One where I was measured on output -- what I could produce -- not how I could genuinely and authentically help them. 

We die an ego death again and again, my friends.

I had resisted giving up this "old life".  

Even for something I loved.

Why? 

Because change....change feels scary.

Our bodies are programed to find security -- to stay with the tribe at all costs. 

Under all of this? I was afraid.

I felt that if I walked away from the career I built...again...to do something that served my soul...I was giving up all that I had worked for.

Choosing the non-traditional is a risk. And I am, by nature, NOT a risky person.

I truthfully say I've only taken a true risk in my life if it was something in my gut, my soul, that felt completely undeniable.

When you're moved by truth -- it's no longer a risk. It's a sure thing.

This situation brought me to some deep shadow work.

Where was I giving up what I loved, for money...but also for disrespect?

Where was I not honoring myself?

Where was I denying my truth?

At it's core, I realized that I wasn't meeting my own needs.

That my inner-self wasn't HAPPY with this branding work, and instead of saying -- I can walk away from this and honor myself -- I chose to deny myself instead.

Still...after all these years of self work, I had work to do.

There was still a part of me that said, 'You are not worthy of work you love. You must sacrifice your life for work."

This was actually a pattern I'd seen in my lineage - where those that I had loved had given their whole lives to their jobs or to their businesses.

It was something I needed to change.

So I started to change what I was telling myself.

"I am worthy of work I love."

"I am worthy of people that I work with that care for and respect me and my boundaries."

"I am worthy of being paid fairly."

"I am worthy of being respected for my voice and my opinion."

The second I started shifting this inner monologue, things started to change.

I used feel like I was grasping for straws when I wanted to get paid by clients -- now I trust that I am worthy to receive. 

What I think, what I say, and what I do -- becomes my reality. 

You may be thinking -- ok, Kristina. 

This is all good in theory. But how do I actually do this, how I shift from an old life to a new one?

Three ideas...

1) Look for the Red Flags (that you've been hitting snooze on)

We often override the first red flag because of some inner wound. 

Not having enough. Losing security. Letting others down.

This is where we keep going even though everything in us is feeling like it's held together with scotch tape. It's the birthplace of burnout, and resentment.

Listening to yourself is actually a sign of major self-respect and alignment. 

Sometimes it helps to look a few major situations in your life that feel a little rocky, and ask yourself, "if I honored my truth here, what would shift?" 

Sometimes that means saying no, or creating a boundary that you stick to.

Choosing just one situation to improve is a powerful start!

2) Rewrite Your Inner Worth Dialogue

For me, there was a (limiting) belief around, "I must sacrifice something to be worthy" -- and I've found this is often a generational imprint. 

If we don't change this belief, it repeats itself...

In work, in relationships, and in how we take care of ourselves. 

The truth is -- we are BORN worthy. We just have to remember that. 

And once we do, the universe realigns itself around this truth. 

Choosing even one mantra that you put on your mirror, your phone screen, a post-it on your desk that says, "I am worthy of work I love" or "I am worthy of being respected for my voice"is a game-changer. 

Why? 

Because when we start to read this again and again, we begin to believe it. And this changes our nervous system and our energy field to help us embody it. 

3) Calling in Respectful, Soul-Aligned Partnerships

Human beings thrive in environments where they feel valued and respected.

Without that, our self-esteem erodes. 

Every interaction is actually an exchange of energy -- give and take.

If we stay in relationships that dishonor us, we reaffirm an energy of scarcity and lack. 

The second we choose aligned relationships, we say we are open to receive MORE. And the universe responds. 

This is a technique that has helped me...making a "soul partnership" list. 

I write down 5 qualities that I value the most in people, clients and communities.  

Things like

- authenticity

- listening skills

- being (a) good human/s

- mutual respect

- clear communication

Whenever I get a new opportunity I ask, "Does this person or situation align with this list?" 

If it doesn't? I release it with gratitude. 

If it does? I lean ALL the way in. 

So...if you find yourself standing at a threshold -- one foot in the old way of being, and one in the new -- you are not alone.

What's that song?

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end". 

Haha the great wisdom of Closing Time... and Semisonic...

(OR the great philosopher Lucius Seneca....)

Same same. :)

Remember: embracing the new doesn’t mean dishonoring where you’ve been.

It means recognizing that you are ready for more -- more love, more truth, more respect, and more life lived from the inside out.

And when you choose from that place? 

It’s no longer a risk. 

It's coming home to yourself. 

Keep going, my friend.

You got this.