How to: (Actually) Rest When the World Keeps Spinning

I have a confession to make.

I'm supposed to be resting, but I'm finding it ...quite difficult.

I keep thinking of things I can be doing -- laundry, weeding my garden, working, visiting with others...

I realize that I feel most worthy when I'm helping someone -- I really struggle with giving myself permission to actually, physically do...nothing. 

Instantly my brain goes to: what could I be doing for someone? 

Who could I be helping?

WHO NEEDS ME?!

One day, I heard from my own internal voice -- "Kristina...what can you give to you, right now?"

After all these years of deep inner work...I still struggle to give myself the peace I give to others.

We live in a culture that teaches us our value comes from what we produce, how much we accomplish, how available we are to others. 

So rest can start to feel uncomfortable…even unsafe. 

Sometimes rest isn't difficult because we don't know how to rest. 

It's difficult because stopping for a minute means we have to face ourselves. 

Rest can actually feel unsafe in your nervous system because its so...foreign. 

When we slow down, there are no emails to answer.

Nothing to distract us.

Just us.

Our thoughts, our feelings... our unmet needs. 

And that feels...deeply vulnerable.

So we run from rest -- the very thing we need the most.

So what's the root of all of this -- how do we honor the root so we can release it?

Psychology tells us that some of this constantly on energy is cultural... related to climbing the corporate ladder, keeping up with the Joneses, etc. 

The energy that more is more and we have to keep going to achieve more.

But this is also related to our own sense of self-worth -- that we're only worthy if we're doing something productive, of value, to someone or something.

Spiritually -- there's the energy of the masculine and the feminine within us all. The masculine is the yang -- the action, the doing, the making -- and we all need this energy to survive.

But the feminine is the energy of yin -- of rest, of creation, of intuition. She tells us to listen to ourselves and honor our needs.

And our inner masculine needs to stand up for our inner feminine. 

This is what I like to call -- giving ourselves permission.

Permission to rest.

Permission to create.

Permission to speak up.

Permission to say no.

Permission to be.

This is how we create balance in our lives. 

In a very masculine world, how do we allow that inner feminine energy to really shine?

How do we allow ourselves time and space to rest, process, integrate, and just....be?

Humans need intentional space away from all of our roles and responsibilities.

We need time to connect, to play, to explore.

So how do we actually rest when the world keeps spinning?

Here's my favorite three step process that I come back to again and again: 

First -- there's awareness. Checking in with our body.

How are you feeling, really?

Mini check in:

• Am I exhausted, or just busy?
• When was the last time I sat down without multitasking?
• Does rest feel nourishing…or guilty?
•  Am I struggling to think, or make decisions, or sleep?
•  Is getting out of bed each morning feeling like a huge challenge?

This is your body waving a giant red flag of -- HI! I NEED REST, PLEASE.

It's speaking to you. Very clearly. 

We can't sprint from thing to thing forever. 

Think of it this way -- you can run a marathon in a day, but you can't run a marathon every. single. day.

Stop running, my friend. Take a minute to catch your breath.

This is step one. Step two is powerful...and a little harder.

Step two is actually listening to this need.

In truth, healthy masculine energy isn't endless productivity.

It's protection. Good boundaries. Structure. 

It's the part of us that protects what matters to us. 

And sometimes what matters most is our exhausted inner self quietly whispering to us:

"Hey...I can't keep going at this pace."

Healthy masculine energy says:

"I hear you."

"I'll cancel the meeting."

"I'll move the deadline."

"I'll protect the time."

"I'll create space for you to heal."

But this step? 

This is often the part that gets ignored. 

We feel the signal to rest, but our logical brain stays, "but, but, but....what about all the responsibilities? What about the emails, and the people that need me, and the text messages and the groceries and dog walking and the...".

Our body is now throwing a stop sign at us. (Ow.)

Yes. We can get to all of these things. In a bit. Let's rest first.

We need the masculine energy of structure and the feminine energy of allowing rest in order to create.

What if the rest actually allowed us to come with new ideas, new ways of thinking about something?

What if the rest was the very thing we needed to gain motivation again?

To get unstuck?

It may be hard to find stillness when you're traveling, or managing kids, or an illness...but everyone, everyone, has 5 minutes they can take for themselves each day.

Step three is -- actually doing it. 

Here is my favorite rest menu: what would your body choose today?

• quiet alone time
• a walk without your phone
• coffee or tea outside in the sun
• a five minute meditation
• ten minutes in the sun
• a sauna session
• a long shower or bath
• a retreat day
• twenty minutes with a novel
• ten minutes playing with your dog

If this feels difficult to bring into your schedule...schedule it.

Seriously!

I block my calendar from sessions so that I can take time for myself to actually rest.

I start each morning with a meditation before I get out of bed. 

That's my process, yours may look different. 

Find what works for you.

And sometimes...sometimes we need more than 5 minutes.

Sometimes the 5 minutes provides a temporary respite, but we need intentional rest. 

Intentional rest creates the space that some of us rarely receive:

For deep peace.

For deeper perspective.

I don't think humans were ever meant to live this way...in constant output mode. 

So many of the ancient cultures I've studied worked in cycles -- they created rhythms of work and rest. 

Time to plant, time to harvest, time to wait for the fields to regenerate.

Time for ceremony and celebration. 

Time to PLAY. 

We need moments away from productivity. 

Where nothing (including ourselves) is being fixed. 

Time to connect to who we are at our core, our essence.

This is why intentional rest can feel so emotional for people.

Because for the first time in a long time, you have permission.

Permission to receive. 

Permission to stop holding everything for everyone else for a moment and simply exist as a human being.

Remember, my friends, that you do not have to earn your rest. 

You are not a machine.

You are a thinking, feeling, breathing, loving, emotional, creative AMAZING human BE-ing.

Maybe... rest isn't something you squeeze in when everything is done.

Maybe rest is the way you remember just how powerful you really are.

Rest is not a reward. It's a deep relationship with yourself. 

You deserve the same devotion you give to others. 

Give yourself a moment to rest. 

Keep going, my friend.

You got this.